Friday: Drove up to washington to see Elliot. We went swimming at the river with our mutual girl friend and got pretty drunk on the shore. Went back to elliot's house, showered, by the time I came out he was passed out asleep (he works graveyard... just a reminder). So I drove to get gas and taco bell, ended up going over to Tyber's. Watched some CSI with him, then went with his little brother and his sister's boyfriend to dairy queen, then over to the football stadium to play capture the flag with about 40 people.

Ended up hating capture the flag because I can't run at all because of my stupid knees. Elliot's heel is all screwed up from jumping off a fence drunk a few weeks back, so he didn't have too much of a blast either. Tyber's brother Rafe took me for a ride in his car, then about 15 of us went to Shari's around 1am.

Went back to Tyber's with him and Nichole, Nichole watched tv with Rafe while Tyber and I put blankets outside and looked at the stars and talked for a few hours. Nichole ended up coming out and laying with us, so we moved to the backyard. Around 6am we got up and got into the hot tub. Then we went swimming in his pool. Nichole went home and Tyber and I went to bed around 7am.

Saturday: Tyber and I woke up, went to his little sister's soccer practice with his family, then came back to his house. Met up with Nichole, went with Nichole, Tyber's brother and his sister's boyfriend to this rope swing on the lake. I finally got up the courage to ride on the rope swing, and it was amazing. Came back to Tyber's, had dinner with his family, and then Tyber, Nichole, and I went back to Elliots. Elliot and I start drinking with his roommate Levi (who I had a minor make-out fling type thing while camping a few weeks back) and everyone else goes home.

The three of us end up getting completely trashed and have a three person dance party in his living room for a few hours listening to Savage Garden and Timbaland. Levi kept asking me to come sleep in his bed (which I was not going to do) so it was rather awkward for me. Elliot comes running downstairs with a VHS copy of Interview with the Vampire, so I grab it from him and dance around with it for a half hour or so. Elliot asks me to come upstairs with him and watch the movie. Yeah.....

So Elliot and I had sex. Again. Elliot tells me that he wants to be more than friends... which of course means absolutely nothing other than "I want to be friends who have sex when they're drunk and then don't talk about it or act like anything happened". Of course the sex was amazing, as it was the first time, and we are up until about 6:30 doing the deed. Afterwords, Elliot goes downstairs to get some water or something and I crawl out onto the roof to smoke a cigarette. I come back in and lay down for about twenty minutes and then Elliot comes back up. We spend a few hours laying in bed watching a movie, kissing/cuddling/whatever.

Sunday: We finally get up and he is talking about going swimming with some friends. I gather all my shit together and prepare to do the walk of shame to my car. Elliot is downstairs drumming, so I stick my head in the garage to say goodbye. Conversation as follows:

Elliot: "Are you leaving?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Elliot: "Why?"
Me: "Uh I have shit I have to do today..."
Elliot: "Like what?"
Me: I have to.. uh... clean my room. And.. uh.. do laundry... and stuff..."
Elliot: "No you don't. Come swimming with us."
Me: "Uhh I don't know. Where, and with who?"
Elliot: "Some mansionn or something with my friends."
Me: "Uh, okay. I guess I'll go."

So I go swimming with him. Good time. Except that we are both acting like nothing happened.

So now it's Monday night and I haven't heard from him.


I hate myself. Only I could get played by my best friend.

and i'm doing okay.


i start work at new drive thru only starbucks next monday. w00t. i need to make plans for tomorrow. i'm going to raft the river today and then color my hair. the end.

Urgh. 

My math prof. won't let me make up the exam I missed on Friday. True, the reason I wasn't there was because I was still too drunk from the night before. But she doesn't know that. Regardless, now there's no way to get an A in that class, which will screw up my GPA. 

I have a psych exam tomorrow, which I am not at all prepared for. Want to know why? I figured you would... because I have been working too damn much. I bet you think it's nice to have money from work, right? Wrong. 

I don't have any money. I have yet to be even paid, and even though payday is on Friday, all of the money I have worked for is already accounted for. The electric company (actually, the debt collection company they work with) called me today to inform me that I owe them nearly four hundred dollars, and if I don't pay by Friday, it will be reported to the credit score bureau thing. AWESOME. There is no way my paycheck is going to be that much, especially because it costs me about $5 to drive to and from work everyday, not to mention driving to Oregon City for class. My damn tax refund hasn't come yet, and even when it does I have to pay my bank, and the freakin' cable company (they sent me to collections too). Oh, did I mention my medical bills? Yeah. Sweet. 

I work really hard, and I'm not going anywhere. All going to school has done for me, is taken away hours out of my week when I could be working. And back pain, gotta love the back pain. 


/crankiness

i've been so damn irritable today. i have no idea why, but i have pretty much locked myself in my room. i didn't even have a cigarette until 8pm. i haven't eaten anything because i didn't want to be around anyone. everytime someone calls me or pops their head in here, i end up snapping at them and getting an expected PMS joke. oh, you're so fucking original i can hardly contain myself.

i think that the government is conspiring to get me to stop smoking. yesterday i was smoking a cigarette, and right before it was gone i noticed a few tiny little holes right above the filter. i'm pretty sure the government is spiking my smokes with poison so i will sue tobacco companies and everyone will quit smoking. maybe its poison to make me cranky. if so, that shit should be a controlled substance.

my sister is out looking to buy a RV today. she just bought a house... and a new puppy... i wish i had that kind of money. maybe she will let nick and me borrow it and live in it for a week.

i'm watching a law and order svu where a wife got raped by her own husband. how messed up is that?

ahhh 13 minutes until the season finale of heroes. i was supposed to watch it with adam and katie tonight, but i'm in no position to be around other people right now.

i miss nick. ideas, anyone?

I'm really starting to worry. What if it got lost in the mail? Wtf. Gimme gimme!!! 

Also, I might have spent my mother's day present money on hair dye last night.... so it'd be great if I had some money.